For the better or the worse I've yet to fully decide.
Somehow I do find peace in the fact that I was one of the last members of the family to speak with my Grandma that day. When I held her hand and promised her everything was going be ok little did I know that in an hour I would be begging for that same confidence.
In that time, my idea of family changed.
The goals I had for myself changed.
My purpose changed.
My life changed.
I changed.
The woman who was my rock and foundation had returned home and somehow my Mom, Aunt, and I were left with a mess that we are still, to this day trying to figure out. Sunday Dinners won't ever be the same, neither will trips to Zion Canyon, or any holiday for that matter.
In the past year we have created new traditions, built our family back in the best ways possible, and in my own opinion, began the road to discovering the best parts of ourselves.
In this past year I have:
- Made a quilt. All by myself. Half by hand, half by machine. All of it put together on Her quilting frames.
- Balanced callings in the Church that I know I never did alone because She always stood beside me.
- Faced trials that should have broken me but She helped pick me up every time.
- Hiked Timpanogos Mountain. 1 down, 16 more times to go...
I don't know if I will ever fully understand God's purpose, or why and when and how he does things but in this past year I'm learning to accept that if it's what He wants then I want it too.
Sometimes I still get mad at her for leaving me like this though. But after spending the evening at Timp Temple with my best friend, knowing that the names we are doing the work for means that some how, some way, those people get to be with their family once again and for all eternity . Just like when the time comes that my family will be united once again and have peace.
Time really does change everything.
Slowly, I'm starting to like the change I'm seeing in myself, friends and family.
